Welcome to the FND Blog - A Place to Be Seen

This journey is tumultuous, the uncertainty is hard

Can you imagine experiencing sickness, or suffering immeasurable trauma, then expected to just get up and live

Eleven weeks since I lost my ability to speak, this has been incredibly frustrating, exhausting, and defeating

Friday the 9th, a day I want to push past, and let go but the day still stings, I can't seem to forget

It wasn't easy, I thought I had reached my breaking point, trials I've faced for sure, but this was a new level of hard I never expected

There is a sad presumption that FND is chosen and when we decide to change our minds we will suddenly be back to full functionality

I am stuck in a body that despite me constantly yelling at it, begging it to move, I am met with resistance and the reminder I am no longer in control

This is a new terrain for me, I have never been here before, I'm trying to lean into the unknown but I am learning so please be kind

This has become my favourite time of the week, when offices are closed, because I no longer have to be disappointed by the lack of responses

I am disappointed, I have worked so hard to remain strong and keep my mental health in a place of positivity

It has been 126 days since I have used my voice out loud, with the exception of a few words, I have been told that it should come back

Four words, so simple yet such a push to sincerely feel, for me anyway I've been restrained to too many choices, and mistakes by others and also admittedly mine

I am in a body but it is not me, this is not who I was or who I ever wanted to be, how can I communicate with it? Encourage it to align with me, help it see?

The letter, one I have awaited for, spent time meticulously trying to prepare to give the best opportunity for myself to be heard

It is hard when closure is not achieved and understanding is not received, however I have found that if I waited for it I would let my life be idle