The letter, one I have awaited for, spent time meticulously trying to prepare to give the best opportunity for myself to be heard.
It arrived today and I think, sadly, I already knew its outcome would not be positive, but actually seeing it, I go back to how I let them define my worth.
It was the hardest battle I have ever fought, and I have never felt so misunderstood or poorly treated.
The demons are haunting, the injustice big, but I know that I will deteriorate rapidly if I let myself stay where they left me seated.
So I have to rise above the hurt, the suffering, potentially another person who has slipped through the cracks.
And that's why I'm so disappointed, because I know this is not an isolated incident, the system has failed many and has not acknowledged their lack.
I am not sure how to release such a weighted experience. I know it will be a process and I need to allow it space and time.
I will try to remember they don't order my worth and, though it felt they devalued my sense of self, I can choose to incline to myself and be kind.
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