Free

Four words, so simple yet such a push to sincerely feel, for me anyway I've been restrained to too many choices, and mistakes by others and also admittedly mine

I remember feeling caged in a mental health facility , I thought this is surely hell, everything I heard about support and help accessible to you, didn't here seem to align

I remember the day I walked out, I had never felt such release, the feeling of choice, of being myself, this was what spurred me to tattoo on my hand "free"

To remind myself that I had to fight everyday not just for my life but to never be held within that system again, as I know for me healing would there never be

It saddens me to realise that at the start of this year I identified a vulnerability in myself that didn't feel like me so much I called upon the one place I didn't ever plan to just to help intervene before it got bad

The sad thing is they didn't help when I was drowning, desperate, begging in fear of never going back and as a result I landed months later in an even more debilitating situation exactly there all because when I first reached my hand they didn't grab

Ah freedom why are you so hard to achieve? Why is it so hard for mental health systems to hear the cries and support for people to be able to pull through and find resolve?

I just know I will look at this tattoo, remember the harm that you caused and know that I will pursue freedom with whatever adversity is occurred from here on, knowing I can survive and cos I made it through the hurt being confined within your walls