In a crowd, or so close in proximity to people, yet I am here alone, not chosen and worse, to be honest, than being isolated by myself.
I would rather be on an island stranded than know people are close, yet decide I am not of enough value and get put on the shelf.
As someone who seeks self-improvement, I suffer when they leave me out without any explanation and I am left wondering why.
Why am I not enough? Why, whatever I did, tipped them over the edge and neglected the opportunity to not give me the chance to try?
The pain is too much. I am struggling with the ability to regulate because of being left alone. Why is surrounded is a hurt I do not like at all?
And I am here trying to pretend I'm miles away and in my own sanctuary, because all I feel is that till help comes I have to find distractions in the delusional.
So I am here. I try to tell myself that people wish for this solitude, and it's okay you don't have your own tribe or own people right now to have and to confide.
Maybe if hoping and wishing are true, they're just around the corner and waiting to share and contribute to this world with me by their side.
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