A complexity of emotions gravitates in my mind as it ponders love and how I am here learning for the first time what it truly is to love not just others but also me
I sat for awhile in the history of my love that I gave and felt regret as it was innate for me to freely give it away but to have for myself and that I needed it, I just couldn't see
I am here now learning that there is a love within me that was not made just to pour out to others but it is also a beautiful love that I can hold as my own
There is some pain in places I've given love, but I also see the rewards of it and these incredible humans that are moving forward and I can't regret the love I've shown
I forgive myself for never knowing I deserved it too and can only hope that as I nurture that love intentionally within it will only increase the value of it when I choose to extend
I've learnt though at times was overzealous, I can live with better wisdom and when I look at the wonders that I've been fortunate to be apart of, I gain insight and realise my heart is more than just to give to others to lend
So here I am, not mad at the past as I see my love has invested into some amazing things and to see others flourish and feel that love, I know it's not wasted
I just have learnt that I can increase the quality of my love when I prioritise my self love first and there, I am finding that the beauty of love is not in grandiose moments but it is in the quiet and gentle places
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