To the Little One Inside

I wander about you as I look back at my life and see how I have overextended myself to others to show kindness, love and for people to be seen and heard.

Holding my cousin's hand when she was 9, she would grab it and I never let go, showing her I was there and supportive, but was I really doing it subconsciously because it is what I wished I deserved?

I guess we will never be certain for sure. I can just hear my inner voice crying. Please hear me and help, understand me, and I mean, how can I expect anyone else to when I don't?

I have been trying daily for longer than I can recall to find my healing and looking in every place possible, but I have come to learn till I face that inner child I won't.

She is fierce and kind, and has spent years giving to others what she so badly wanted to attain herself. Although she never got it, I find strength in her ability to always try to share it.

I am proud of her. Even here, a little sad, broken and isolated, how can I regret giving love to others because I saw the kindness received and how, despite its reciprocal failings, I never quit?

Sure, I'm gathering myself now, learning hopefully and will figure out how to receive what I have innately always been searching for inside, to know that I don't have to work for it and on my own I am enough.

So to the little one inside, we are trying, we are working on it, to healing, to peace, to freedom. It's not an easy thing to adjust to after so long, but we will push through and get past what's always felt so tough.