I am sitting here knowing that this year has been the deepest level of defeat I have ever endured, and wonder how I have remained to keep any hope alive.
I have always been one to maintain realistic expectations and avoid grand ambitions, knowing that it is not realistic in my fight for what it feels like just to survive.
I have had many moments of doubt about my worth and its physical existence as I struggle to find the main foundation of where its value is actually found.
Regulation of emotions is hard when external factors are constantly pressing on my triggers, reminding me that my past seems to want to stick around.
That in itself is a drive to find peace, some sense of relief and freedom that I can't seem to find despite my greatest efforts, and all the avenues I've tried.
I then think this it. I had reached my limit, and it was time to accept fate and say my goodbyes, but then I rested my head, and a plea for help inside me cried.
I wake up, and I realise after every helpline contacted and support been denied that what if I get a cactus who is conditioned to live throughout all seasons
That sits by my side and reminds me that when every other option leaves me dry, my inner fight remains and with that I have to know that the fight for myself is my life's core reason.
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