Friday the 9th

Friday the 9th, a day I want to push past, and let go but the day still stings, I can't seem to forget

See to detail all things that caused sting that day, would be too much, but maybe I can exhale a little in hopes to reset

It started abruptly, I was at a hospital, told you have 30 minutes or police will escort you, imagine a place that is meant to aid?

I was scared and confused, as paramedics pat-slid me from bed, to ambulance, then on a couch, I watched the nurses leave numb as I without any assistance laid

I had extra restricted mobility from the trauma of the day before, a nurse yelling for me to get off the wheelchair and walk, your mentally 'clear', my body wasn't in rhythm, so of course all it did was fall

Its hard to look back on that day, I think there is a reason why it's blurred, however it got me to a couch which left me reaching for my phone the only thing I had, so help I could call

I remember reaching with my one functional body part, and the next thing I knew I was on the floor, paralysed, frantically trying, praying, someone would come and help me

The next part is vague but by miracle, social workers were there knocking, and when opened saw me and emergency was quickly called, terror crept in, as that was who left me, even when my disability they could see

No speech, barely moving body parts, I could not advocate for myself, and was left to the mercy of the health system, God, please don't put me through this again

I found myself in Ed, would it be different? Sadly no, more misguided and uneducated professionals, who knew not about my illness, I was told you want water? The toilet? Get up, the choice is yours for your mobility to regain

I remember the need for water was weighted as this had been my experience for two days, I was desperately screaming at my body as I was told my movement I could choose

Sitting in incontinence which had been not cleaned for more than a day, I was hot, unclean, body fluids everywhere, if you know my hygiene standard you would know if it was a choice, this level of hygiene for me is only abuse

I distinctly remember a doctor, she was coarse as she with no emotion, despite my present condition, stated don't think you're getting admitted, we'll call a taxi, and when you decide, you'll walk and go

All I knew,  was that with the judgement and unease, if I had ability, I would have gladly left, but from here sadly the unkindness and harshness was a constant flow

I was told to hush as I tried so hard to move, to reach a source of nutrition as energy was depleted, I was called a fat, retarted f**k, only wasting tax payers money, and government resource

This is only a brief insight, the struggle to fight was real, I honestly don't know how I made it through that period, all I knew was if I could survive, I would make sure my voice was a force

So here I am 5 weeks later to the day, siting in a hospital bed that I was told alongside support and care would not be given, preparing for my new beginning

It's been a journey, I anxiously and eagerly await discharge, but i need this moment to reflect, as the mountain already climbed is huge, see despite the pain, I'm actually already winning

Even through the thick of it, stories that would horrify you that are real in our own health system, I prevailed, and eventually pushed through the predispositions, and my life I reclaimed

I didn't stay broken, I may be wheeling and not walking out here, but I am grateful as in the end, the care I got after was an upgrade, and here I sit, proud as I know because I did my own hard work, and though I am physically restraint, the strength of my mental wellbeing, and fight I have gained